I am sad.
I am happy.
I am tired.
I am stressed.
I am worried.
I feel like I'm spinning in circles.
I guess I was expecting God to smack me upside the head with the "right choice" of what I'm supposed to do in December. What steps I need to take. But He didn't... or hasn't... and I'm not sure He will.
I am listening to North Point Community Church's GAME PLAN podcasts. It's about following the will of God. I highly recommend it.
Some times I think that God is pleased with simple obedience and gives us choices.
As I walk around here in Udine, I realize that I have taken several different routes to get to the same place.
I enjoy the new views, but I also know that I am missing out on others.
I guess that is what makes me sad as I think about the choices before me.
If I choose one, I know that there are things I will never be a part of with the others.
Looking at coming back to America in December is daunting. Will I work at Wal-mart for the rest of my life?
Will I ever have a place of my own? Will I ever have a paycheck that has extra money leftover after bills?
Again, I know that God is provider. I am grateful for how He has provided for me.
But still I am human. I doubt.
And my travels are not done.
England Nov 17-24
Chiavari Nov 30-Dec 3.
Home Dec 9
Can we just pause the world while I process life???
I need that still small voice...
I have to say I'm grateful to read these posts three months before I will experience these very things. It is sobering, and I'm sorry you have to pioneer the path for the Jenni's. I have seen you grow leaps and bounds in how authentic you are in communicating who and where you are, and why. That has nothing to do with the things you are facing, but I hope it is still encouraging. Remember: "A calling is not what you do, it's who you are, and who God has called you to be. As you go from place to place, position to position, the work is transformative. It's a process of becoming who God has called you to BE."
ReplyDeleteJust remember Jenni...God orders your footsteps. He may seem "late" in telling you what to do, when you want him to, but he'll be right on time. Trust the one who named the stars and put them all in their place...He will put you right where you are supposed to be, and you won't be missing out on anything else...praying that God will give you peace so that you can enjoy and listen for Him to speak to you :-)
ReplyDeleteLove you sister!
April
I agree with Jeni P. I KNOW God has been working in you to fully transform you into who you are to BE, not just DO.
ReplyDeleteI love one of your last lines "I need that still small voice" Yes, Lord speak!